Reaching a decision

4 Aug

Hello! Thanks for sticking with me on this journey 🙂

So, I was at the point where I was getting my happy ending……..well, unfortunately, things could not be further from the truth! For various reasons and out of loyalty to some in question, I will not go into detail here about taking on that prized job, but I can tell you this. After four months, I was becoming a shadow of my former self, thoroughly exhausted and battling real depression  😦 
 Now, I was a big believer in trying to stay in a new job for at least one year, to give yourself a chance to settle in and to have a true understanding of what your role is about. I was determined to stick it out. But when Bob and my immediate family told me that I must leave this job, I was shocked (my parents in particular always having been of the ‘give it a chance’ school of thought) but I knew that they were on the mark. It wasn’t right, and until the day I die, I am going to revise my ‘stay for a year’ theory to ‘if it doesn’t feel right, then it isn’t’. Simple as that. So, I handed in my resignation, and had four weeks to come up with a new plan! At this stage, I knew what I had to do, I just had to figure out a way to make it happen. And I’m sure you all know which path I chose….. Yup, you got it, I was right all along with my thoughts of study 😀 During the ‘black period’ (as I will now refer to it) I was still getting intense fulfilment from my online course, and it was opening up all sorts of hunger for knowledge. It wasn’t enough, and when I was finally able to see clearly I saw that, hard as it may be, for me to be truly content in my life I would need to do this. And not further down the track, I would have to do it as soon as possible, otherwise I would be spending my whole time waiting for my life to really begin….. Even Bob said to me that he always knew this was the right decision but that I had to get there on my own in the end, otherwise I wouldn’t have complete conviction (and I’m going to need it!) which I love him for. Some have said to me that perhaps I should just try to get another job in the publishing industry, that not all jobs will be as bad as that one. However, as true a statement as this may be, I feel like I’ve been given a second (or if we’re really be picky, a third) chance to make the right decision.

And so, at 30, I have decided to go back to university full time (over-exaggeration alert 🙂 Part-time would have been financially easier but I would have been about 100 before I graduated…). This is not the easy choice, but it’s the right one. I have had so many discussions with my nearest and dearest. Obviously Bob and I have talked through the prospect at length, because although he felt it was the right decision for me it was going to affect him and our relationship in ways that we haven’t had to deal with before. My M and P were a little shocked at first, even though I’d been talking about it for so long, I don’t think that they ever thought I would actually do it. They had the obvious concerns, financial, babies, me choosing the difficult path when all they want it for me to have a good easy life. But once they really saw that although this is not the easy path, it’s the one that is going to make me happiest and fulfil me the most, they have been nothing but supportive, and I guess I would have been worried about them had they not at least brought up a few concerns 🙂 Friends pretty much fall into either one of two categories: “Why the hell would you go back to University????” and “I wish it were me”!!

 So, I have found my “purpose”, but the point is that although I have found it, that’s not the ending, that’s just the beginning. What I would like to do now is to document the process that I have to go through over the next few years on my road to making this big life change. We will go through the change together, and I hope to learn from those who are going through the same thing and perhaps inspire those who would like to go through it 🙂 Also, and this is just for fun, I am going to include one new fact I have learned since each new post….just because I can 😉

Fact No 1: One amphibian has evolved a bizarre and gruesome defence mechanism to protect itself against predators. When attacked, the Spanish ribbed newt pushes out its ribs until they pierce through its body, exposing a row of bones that act like poisonous barbs. Now we know where writer Len Wein and Marvel art director John Romita, Sr got their inspiration for Wolverine 😉

I read about this when studying reptiles for my Vertebrate Zoology course but here’s a linked article:

 http://news.bbc.co.uk/earth/hi/earth_news/newsid_8212000/8212623.stm

How do you start a journey? By taking the first step…

4 Aug

Ok, so I know it’s been a while since my first (and last post)! Not to worry, that just means that I have a lot more to fill you in on in regards to my quest for finding my “purpose”. It’s been a very busy few (alright, so more than a few) months!

When I last left you, I was disenchanted with my current career, was working in sales, and looking to make a change, at the ripe old age of 30 🙂

And look for this change I did.

I spent a lot of time thinking about where my passions truly lay, and realised there were 3 main contenders: wildlife, musical theatre and books. Now, musical theatre is a big part of my life, I try to perform in an amateur production at least once a year, and love working with a number of different amateur theatre companies in Melbourne. However, would I want to do this as a career? Not so much. Amateur shows last for about 4 months, including rehearsals and performances. It’s exciting, challenging and very fulfilling, but there can be some down-sides. The hours are late, there is a LOT of bitchiness, and the thought of doing the same show night after night for years on end, just doesn’t appeal. Also, and I’m being completely honest here, whilst I’m not without a bit of talent, the competitive nature and just sheer amount of people out there who are just way more talented than me, would see me perhaps, if I was VERY lucky, land the occasional  chorus part. This all translates to a lifetime of serving tea and coffee waiting for the next opportunity….Not much of positive life change (for me at least!)

Then I came to Wildlife. And not just wildlife….under this heading also falls nature, environment sustainability and natural science. I am the eternal  tom-boy, and would prefer a life, dressed in overalls and gum boots, saving the planet, to anything else. So right there should have been my answer. Well, unfortunately it was not as straight forward as that. I did a LOT of research and what it all boiled down to was that if I wanted to forge a career of substance in this industry, I would definitely need to study as my original degree was an MA Hons in Philosophy (yes, get the laughs out 😉 ) and therefore of NO use to me in the field. *Actually probably a side note here should be that at 17, when I was asked to choose my preferences for university, I had no idea how important that decision was in determining my future. (I’m pretty sure most people are the same).* My reasons for choosing philosophy, while valid in some ways, were not grounded in real-life direction, and whilst I had the best four years living it up at University, my degree has only really been of use in getting interviews (ie that I have a degree from a great university) and in the most basic of job requirements (ie time-management, autonomy, etc).  Now, the idea of going back to study actually really appealed to me, as I believe this time around it would be a whole different story, and as a mature-aged student, I would get a lot more out of studying a second time around. The other extremely appealing thing about taking this new direction was that it would be fulfilling my other desire, which is to truly make a difference in the world, rather than just make it more money, which is what I feel, at heart, that I’ve been doing for the past few years. However, as always with any such decision, there were the cons to consider, the most obvious being the financial side. My partner (who, for the purposes of this blog, shall be named Bob 🙂 ) was actually just finishing up his own studies and about to forge his career path (yes, for anyone doing the maths, there is an age difference 😉 ), so money wasn’t hugely plentiful, though after having lived on one and a half salaries for 3 years, we thought we could probably do it. Bob was extremely supportive and understanding, he being one of the lucky few that has always know what it is he wanted to do *another side note, Bob’s motivation , and love for his chosen career path, was one of the key reasons for my career re-evaluation. That kind of passion is highly motivating, and wonderful to be around*
But still, I worried about taking the time to study (I would be looking at 3 years minimum if I wanted to do it thoroughly, and at this stage, I don’t want to do anything half-heartedly). At 30, having family becomes a consideration, and although we are no-where near ready for that part of our lives, as a woman, it does weigh on the mind.

So, after much thought, my mind turned to books. I love books!! I read about 5 a week, 2 at a time and love discussing them at any available opportunity. Now at this stage, I should mention that for quite a few years, I actually worked in the publishing industry, in the sales & marketing fields for one particular company. For the most part, I had actually really enjoyed my time working with that company and only left in the end because, as fun as publishing was, the money was not, and when a relationship of mine broke up I needed to earn quite a bit more money in order to manage financially and I wasn’t going to get it by staying in publishing. However, now in a stable relationship and looking to make a change, publishing didn’t seem like a bad option. I could find work (hopefully), become more fulfilled, and we could FINALLY be that glorious of things, the couple who have double income but no kids yet (DINKYS!!!).
So I decided, that all in all, the best choice would be to try and find a job back in the publishing world, but in the mean-time do some study from home, allowing me to fulfil some of my new-found passion for learning, and my love for all things wild, and then perhaps, a few years down the track, once we were in a more solid position with family etc, then I could return to University to study full-time.
So I jumped on SEEK, applied for the limited amount of publishing jobs available, noting that, in the past couple of years, there had been no great rise in salaries in this particular industry. * Note:  I should also mention here that my foray out of publishing had been in the FMCG industry, where money is readily available should you work in the sales side of things, which I did. Returning to publishing, I had no desire to continue in sales, therefore, I was looking more into marketing roles where I had less experience. This meant that I would have to come in a little further down the ladder. (I know this is not strictly true but my confidence was not at an all-time high at this point and so I was probably under-selling myself)*

At the same time, I started looking into Distance Learning and enrolled in a suitable course in Vertebrate Zoology which was extremely exciting and motivating for me.
I was extremely lucky and succeeded in securing a position with a leading publishing house after only a couple of months of job hunting. I couldn’t believe my luck! I was back in publishing, not working in sales, me and Bob were DINKYS  and I was studying another true passion. This was obviously the right choice and things were all going to work out perfectly…………………………………..

Now, obviously this is not the end of the story….but I’ve already posted a novel and don’t want to bore (if I haven’t already :D) so it’s bye from me for now!!

If you are even remotely interested, tune in for the next instalment of: ” Finding my purpose, one women’s struggle to matter” (Catchy don’t you think ;D)

Almost 30, on a road to nowhere…….

1 Nov

It’s a story too many of us are familiar with. Reaching a certain age and realising that we are not content, happy, inspired by where we are in life. This could apply in your love-life, financial status, career etc. Now, it could be said that, in this day and age, we want too much from life: the perfect partner, the perfect children, the perfect house, the perfect career and that something has to give. But quite honestly, I am not prepared to believe that…..why can’t we have everything?

Next year I will turn 30. Not the fair old age it used to be, but still a milestone in life, and I have realised that, as wonderfully full of travel and love my life has been, my career is not even close to what I imagined I might be doing at this stage in my life. Various twists and turns have led me in a direction never intended, and now here I am about to get another year older having achieved none of the things, career-wise, that I thought I might when dreaming as a child.

I have realised that I must do something about this and start on a new path. To say that I find this daunting is an understatement, and also, to say that my true passions lie so far from what I am currently doing would be even more of an understatement.

So I am going to try blogging to see if it can help me sort out my many confused thoughts over this matter by getting them down in writing as so many have recommended. But also, I hope to meet others who are currently in the same boat, or have been and made the change.

I will get into more detail in posts to come, but for now I thought I would dip my toes in my new blog and see how it feels…………